Mistakes Men Make With Women
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Having the write attractive qualities and moves is only fifty percent of being successful with women the other half is not ruining attraction with mistakes.
1. Complimenting a woman too much and too desperately. A little compliment here and there doesn’t hurt, but always telling a girl she is beautiful will hurt your game. Or kill it outright. This shows that you only value her for her looks, and that you are obsessed with her – both of which are traits of needy guys desperate for sex. And women feel no attraction for frustrated losers.
2. Buying her dinner, drinks, and gifts. A real seducer will never waste money on a girl that hasn’t legitimately EARNED his favor. Showering girls with favors will only cause them to see you as chump with no personality, who has to buy women’s company. It is little better than prostitution, and they will see right through it. Expensive dinner dates and bouquets often result in “lets just be friends”… and if she’s really considerate, one of those rare women who are truly caring and have a good heart, she MAY tell you reluctantly that you’re trying too hard.
3. Giving away your power to her (begging). Always asking her “please!” as if you are a puppet and she is holding the strings. Begging her to stay longer, or pleading with her to like you after she shows disinterest. Begging only makes you look pathetic and spineless, and it gives her the power to say NO. It does make her feel more powerful and validated, but honestly, do you really want her to step all over your dignity? Then don’t beg. It’s NOT charming or “chivalrous” by any means, and you will LOSE respect.
4. Always asking her if she’s okay, or if she’s having a good time. This is a BIG mistake guys make, even guys who think they know the “game”! Believe me, if she’s having fun you’ll notice it in her face and her voice. Nice guys often don’t trust women and sometimes assume that women are inexplicable and even intentionally deceptive. While this may be true of some women, no women will EVER hide her true emotions in front of a guy she’s comfortable with. Asking her makes her LESS comfortable.
5. Always making her decide what to do (“what do you want to do now?”). 90% of the time, she won’t have an answer because women want guys to take the lead, not the other way around. If you sound like you have no clue what to do, you have already lost her. She doesn’t WANT to do anything with a guy who has no idea what to do!
6. Always apologizing for everything you do. Rule of thumb – if you wouldn’t expect a girl to apologize to you for touching you on the arm, don’t apologize to her either! She isn’t Bloody Mary – you don’t have to supplicate or beg for fear of getting your head chopped off! Being submissive and sorry only sends one signal to this soft, delicate creature – you only want her for her *****.
7. Being afraid to share your opinions. This behavior immediately makes you look insecure and you will become a target for her disdain. Most girls will never openly say it, but a guy that’s afraid of his own opinions actually disapproves of HIMSELF on some subconscious level. That’s the behavior of a low-value chump who has no self-respect.
8. Gushing with excessive, NEEDY emotions (i.e. “You are so beautiful, I’m already in love with you!”). This demonstrates low value because you appear to have no standards or patience. If you are meeting a girl for the first time, you will look like the most desperate guy on earth doing this. Even telling a girl you like her will often KILL attraction. I don’t care how many times your mom said it’s the “polite” way to treat girls, it is WRONG! A woman wants things to “just happen”, and the emotional burden of your pounding heart depending on her for instant happiness will just scare the crap out of her!
9. Trying to impress her with your knowledge, money, car, or any other LOGICAL excuses (bragging). This makes you look boring and lacking in substance. It is overcompensation. Once again, many guys have been misled by their parents. You do NOT want to “impress” girls – you want to get them curious about you. Furthermore, women are not attracted by logic. They are attracted by emotion and personality. The more you try to justify why she “should” be attracted to you, the less attraction she will feel. Any sort of rules, logic, and justification of them only will turn girls off!
10. Always trying to become a part of her life (following her, calling her every hour, sending her cards or flowers, asking too eagerly about her friends). This behavior, if it is allowed to continue, can become downright creepy. It communicates that you have no life, and that you are desperate not only for the girl, but also for getting to know ANYONE at all! Why are you so eager to meet her friends so fast anyway?
These mistakes are all hurting millions of men, and the crazy part is that they can EASILY be avoided once you know what they are and why they are HUGE turn-offs to women. And indeed, make no mistake about it – they definitely ARE. So if you are currently doing any of these “nice-guy” things, don’t feel insulted – just STOP DOING THEM, and your rejection rate will be cut in half. Only half of seduction relies on knowing the right techniques and internalizing the beliefs and attitudes behind them. The other half simply consists of not screwing it up!
Now I’m sure we’ve all heard the conventional wisdom on women and “dating” from friends, parents, John Gray, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Hollywood movies, the media, etc. You know… all the “accepted” pop-culture advice that tells you to buy women flowers and ask them to plan the date, impress her with your money, car, house, etc. and not make any moves, not talk about your opinions for fear of “offending” her, be super-“respectful” like a nervous schoolboy who has never touched a girl before… basically, advice telling to make ALL of the above mistakes! And I’m sure ALL of those people had their reasons for giving you that advice, but… I’ve got some bad news for those folks: this is the same wussy puritanical feminist advice that existed in the 1960s, and even THEN, it didn’t attract women.
The “conventional wisdom” is WRONG!
Girls are NOT attracted to guys that buy gifts, talk about their car or house, apologize for touching a girl, or give her the power to plan the evening. In fact, women are continually REPULSED by all of these behaviors. The biggest reason nice guys fail with women is that women simply do not trust nice guys. Nice guys look FAKE, because they are. What with all their showing gifts on a woman, all their begging and submitting and complimenting, they communicate EXTREME desperation and neediness – yet in spite of how badly they desire the girl, they are afraid to make a move, which communicates fear and lack of confidence. So from both ends, they come across as LOSERS. Think about it. Would you act all desperate like that around your friends? Why would a guy act like that, unless he is trying to get something from the girl? Either he must be trying to sell her something (and failing), or he is desperate for sex/marriage/a relationship, or any combination of the three. She is always thinking “WHAT does he WANT from me?” And that is NOT the state of mind you want her to be in, if your goal is to actually get laid.
There are only THREE things that nice-guy behavior will tell girls about you, and NONE of them are good:
1. You are desperate and needy
2. You have no confidence or direction in life
3. You are NOT a prize to be won over, thus you have NO sexual value to her
Does this sound like she’s impressed? Obviously something is VERY wrong with the way most guys go about attracting women. They actually SCARE women away! Being a “nice guy” doesn’t show women that you “care” about them. It actually creeps them out!
When I first figured this out, it was as eye-opening as seeing my reflection in the condensed droplets of water glistening like diamonds on the perfectly polished, shimmering surfaces of solid gold faucets in a gold-plated shower fit for a King! It was truly astounding. This was the answer to YEARS of asking why women were creeped out by all the conventional “approaches” that guys use. Being “nice” in chick-speak actually means “trying too hard”. And it took a girl telling me this to finally make me understand. Nice guys try to hide the fact that they want to sleep with a girl – yet by their submissive actions they make if OBVIOUS that they want something from her. They are “trying too hard” to get SEX, and the girl sees through it INSTANTLY. Women WILL have sex with you, but NOT if you come across as wanting it more badly than they do. If you’re a real Prize to be won, you need to act like sex is NO BIG DEAL! That’s right, I am NOT making this up. A real MAN is not needy. A real seducer is not desperate for sex, because he believes that he, not the girl, is the Prize. After all, if you are truly a Prize, like Casanova, then you can get sex whenever you want and that it’s not even necessary to have it anytime soon. You are not needy. There is no scarcity of women in your life. And you feel no fear in communicating with women. THAT is the attitude which makes you a Prize, regardless of whether you are already getting lots of sex or not. You must internalize this attitude first to truly have strong game.
-Errol Flynn
Nervous desperation can only arise when you come from a frame of SCARCITY. Imagine you are trying to catch a train to a party in a different city. Now imagine that you arrive at the train station and find out you missed the train. The loser would get all worried and nervous and start working himself into a neurotic frenzy, and go home. The winner would ask the ticket seller for a free train schedule and find out that there are 3 more trains headed to the same destination city, that will arrive at the station in only 10 minutes! Now most guys see girls with a “loser” mindset. They waste time on girls they have already turned off, and often ignore other girls that are ready to be seduced. They waste opportunities, or sometimes don’t even see them.
Instead of keeping his options open, the nice guy clings to one girl frantically, fearing that if she walks away, he will never have another chance – this fear is based on his perception that there is scarcity – not just scarcity of women, but scarcity of the possibility that any of them will like him: he already sees himself as undeserving and low-value, and ironically this fear causes him to become low-value. “She’s the ONE, I have to be really nice or else I’ll lose her” is a typical scarcity-frame excuse. “All the hot girls have boyfriends” is another one. Both of these pessimistic attitudes make nice guys very unattractive to women. A real Casanova won’t even consider a woman’s boyfriends an obstacle. You want the girl, not her boyfriend’s position. And many times the boyfriend is not even real. It’s an excuse to get rid of needy guys that she feels no attraction to (we’ll get into this later in depth). And if he sees this girl as just another girl, with an “abundance mentality” then he feels no need to get worried over this girl – he can tease her, joke around with her, and ignore the boyfriend entirely! And many times, the girl will admit she was lying later on, or even cheat on a real boyfriend.
But most guys are blind to this truth. Most guys see tons of imaginary obstacles in the way of them getting the girl. They often get discouraged the very first time, and assume things like “all the girls are taken” or “I don’t have enough money to attract women” or “only the few best-looking guys can get the girl”. Where do all these negative beliefs come from? Part of the answer has to do with flawed popular beliefs about women, and part of it has to do with the ancient origins of the scarcity mentality. Some guys see scarcity in everything – in their lifestyle, in their behavior, and even in what they have to work with in seduction. They just feel inadequate, even if they are fabulously wealthy and successful! The question is, where did this scarcity mentality come from?
Well, let’s go back to when man first started living in communities. Yes, cave-man times. The Stone Age. If you lived back then, you would belong to a tribe and live the life of a hunter-gatherer. And hunter-gatherer tribes ALWAYS had to deal with scarcity. Scarcity of food, water, shelter, security, and life expectancy. You had a short life, and had only a few years to find a mate, reproduce and pass on your genes. Now there was always someone who always got the best of what the tribe had to offer. He was the tribal leader. Sometimes he was the strongest warrior, or the best hunter. However he rose to the top, he had to fight other males to stay there. And he got any woman he wanted, because he was the only law in the tribe.
Now assume you are a young man in the tribe. And these tribes were small - 50 people or less. And out of them, about half of them would be women (more if some of the men were killed while hunting or by rival tribes). Now many of these women would be already taken by another man. And others would be too old to reproduce. So among a tribe of 50, there might have been only 8 young, sexually suitable women available for a man to mate with. Those were not very good odds. This is the very root of the scarcity mentality.
But it gets worse. Back then, your very survival depended on finding a mate – it was instinct. And there was more trouble to come. If the tribal leader or one of his friends were eyeing those same girls, then trying to attract one of those girls could result in you getting your skull cracked open by the tribal leader and his posse. And even if the girl you were trying to attract was not desired by the big boys, one mistake and she would tell all of her 7 friends about it. If her friends were there with her, it would get even worse: they would judge you, and if they didn’t like you for whatever reason, she would never go with you. Whereas men only competed with each other, women were already engaged in a cooperative “sisterhood” where the opinions of their friends were paramount. You would INSTANTLY lose social value, and failing to attract one girl could ruin you chances with all of them – even worse, it could make you an outcast. And a man with no tribe would be a man with no future. Not only was he less safe from big predators – he also had no mate and no way of passing on his genes. He was, for all practical purposes, sterile.
And so when approaching a potential mate, he had to be VERY careful. Back then being careful was more important than being bold – the name of the game was SURVIVAL – or, to put it more precisely, Scarcity-Survival. And over thousands of generations it became an evolutionary instinct wired into men’s brains. It was a “safe” instinct to have, because early in human evolution, there were NO guarantees. You had no clue if you were going to have enough to eat the next day, there was no safety from predators or other males, and there was NO way of knowing who else had their eyes on the girl you desired, or what would happen if you made a wrong move – there were only a few available females, and you only had a few chances to get it right!
Now fast forward a bit to the Middle Ages. At this point, human society had advanced far past the level of the Stone Age. But scarcity was STILL a big factor – this time because the crude tribal hierarchy of the Caveman had evolved into the strict class structure of feudalistic Europe (or feudalistic China/Japan/India/Aztecs/Incas/ or whatever empire it was). In all of these societies, there was a rigid class structure, and the best luxuries were reserved for the nobility and the kings. There were very rigid rules of marriage and prohibitions on extra-marital sex – but the noblemen could often break these laws at will and get away with it. Women were of course denied this privilege and confined to the home (yet they still attempted revenge – women often withheld sex or used their virginity as bait to tempt potential suitors and get what they wanted – and thus discovered their fatal power over the Average Frustrated Chump). And poor men had no choice at all. Peasants could only marry peasants, no matter how ugly. Yet rich men would often take peasant girls as their mistresses if they were attractive enough. The traditions and laws of feudal society were designed to benefit the rich and well-connected at the expense of everyone else. So the most beautiful women were STILL reserved for the “tribal leaders”. And scarcity in choosing a mate was still a VERY real part of life. Swiving a woman of a higher social class was often punishable by death! In some parts of the world, it still is. In addition, screwing the wrong woman back then would, at the very least, result in your entire family being disgraced, and you would be an outcast. You would lose all respect in your society, and possibly all of your friends and allies.
So as a result of both Cave-man tribalism and rigid feudal society, men have always had the anxiety of scarcity and fear of punishment weighing on their minds. And this anxiety became ingrained into their instincts. It still affects men today. We may think we live in a modern, egalitarian world, where the poor can become rich, where the little guy can become a tribal leader in every material way – but we are STILL seeing women from a frame of scarcity – just like our much less fortunate Caveman ancestors.
The fact is that your brain is like a machine. But it is a very outdated machine. Its basic programming is over 40,000 years old! In out modern society, where we have cultural norms, laws, and law enforcement to prevent some guy from cracking your skull open over a girl, most men are still perpetually scared of really interacting with a woman. Just interacting, mind you! The instinctive male inside is still afraid something bad might happen. And in fact, he is often more scared of the woman losing attraction than of a possible “boyfriend” threatening his life. He is still thinking in terms of the 8 available cave girls – in other words, scarcity. Ironically, this burning desire not to “mess this up” makes a man so nervous that he makes the girl uncomfortable with him, and ultimately he messes it up!
-Errol Flynn
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